Hey everyone,

As you all know, my Grandpa is not doing so well. Within the past month, he fell on the way out of kemo, resulting in a broken hip. This fall, as I overheard him talking about today to several visitors, was what really turned things around for him and made him realize things were far more downhill than he had expected. After the hip surgery, he was in bad shape - not eating, not doing much.

It was around this time that Dad gave me a call, letting me know that he was not well and that "Though it may be early, you should start thinking about making a last visit." This scared me, especially since I was so out of the medical loop with most of my family having a medical profession/background of some sort, or at least more knowledge than I on the subject of cancer, health, etc. I've been able to talk about this to a few people, but mostly have been quiet about it, not wanting to make a big scene. Maybe it's because I wanted to seem strong? I had a few nights when I cried, but otherwise tried to just keep my head on straight. Finally I set up a time to come down and see Grandpa myself.

The trip down here was a long one; six hours on a bus ride with little to think about but Grandpa's health was nerve-wracking. I had gotten a call a day before that Grandpa had been doing reasonably better since then. Dad and Mom got here a day before me, and told me that he in fact is looking much better - he's been eating and has even been mobile. He came home in between Dad's call and my visit, and since he's been here his apetite and mobility, and energy, have been a bit better. It was good news to hear, but I still was nervous about seeing him. Dad had warned that he would look far more frail than I remembered.

When I finally got here, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Dad was right - he wasn't looking as bad as I'd expected. He has a hospital-like bed in the old TV room of the apartment, and a nurse here 24 hours a day to help him and keep track of his medicines. The pain medicines have been working a lot better lately, and he's been up and out of bed, rolled around in a wheel chair around the apartment. He even went outside yesterday and the day before. It was good to see him out in the sun down in the garden below the apartment. He was much thinner than I remember, and looked quite frail, but his talkative level was impressive for what I had expected. He got tired really easily, so had to rest now and then, but otherwise seems to be doing alright.

After seeing him, I think I can reassure myself that he's doing well, and that this won't be a last visit. He's not dying as quickly as I had thought, or at least I keep telling myself that. His condition isn't good, but his outward appearance isn't too bad either. I feel confident that I can go back to college today without being scared of thinking I have to say goodbye.

Abuela's holding up pretty well too. I'm really proud of her - I thought she'd be more in pieces than she appears to be, but she's been laughing and chattering away, and Mom and I have been getting her out of the house a lot. We even went to a restaurant yesterday for lunch, this beautiful restaurant called the *****, only about a block and a half away, with great food. The weather's been gorgeous, and things here in Boston are so nice, it's hard to tell that too much is wrong (minus the wheel chair and the bed, and Grandpa's relative frailness).

All in all, I think it was a good trip. It was good to see Abuela and Grandpop, to reassure myself that they're both doing okay, and that I'll be able to come back again soon. I know some day soon I'll have to say goodbye to Grandpa, but it's not today, and I'm hoping it won't be for a little while longer.

~ Rachel